Disclaimer:
If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence or is in distress, please know that help is available. Reach out to the Central Social Welfare Board - Police Helpline at 1091/1291 or call (011) 23317004 for immediate support. You are not alone, and there are resources to assist you in finding safety and healing.
Domestic violence is a pattern of control that often starts subtly. What may first appear as caring or protective behaviour can evolve into something much darker: possessiveness, jealousy, and a need to control. This shift happens gradually, leaving the victim in a confusing cycle where they feel both love and fear, hope and despair. The reality of domestic violence is that it’s rarely only physical; it reaches into every aspect of life, affecting emotions, thoughts, financial independence, and even basic freedoms. Each part of life becomes a way for the abuser to keep power, making the victim feel dependent, unsure, and ultimately trapped.
From a psychological perspective, domestic violence is not merely an isolated incident but a layered system of power dynamics. Emotional abuse can feel like being eroded from the inside out, with constant belittling, gaslighting (where someone makes you question your own reality), and isolation from people who could offer support. Financial control, too, reinforces this sense of helplessness, keeping the victim dependent and fearful of leaving. Each of these facets reinforces the abuser's hold, making escape feel impossible. Popular culture has captured these complexities in a few telling examples, like Thappad, where a single slap reveals the deeper patterns of control, or Big Little Lies, which portrays the cycles of love, denial, and violence that keep victims silently entrapped. Abusers may show traits like narcissism and entitlement, seeking validation through dominance, while victims, entrapped by fear and dependence, often develop learned helplessness. In Sleeping with the Enemy, for instance, we see how deeply abuse can alter a person’s reality, and the courage it takes to break free.
One of the most disturbing aspects of domestic violence is how it operates on a cycle. Often, it starts with a "honeymoon" period, where everything seems hopeful and safe. Slowly, tension builds, and the abuser may begin to criticise or withdraw affection. Eventually, this erupts into open abuse, followed by apologies, promises, or even lavish gestures to win the victim back. This cycle of tension, abuse, and apology makes it even harder to leave. The victim becomes locked into the hope that things will get better, that love will change the abuser, and that the honeymoon phase will last. This cycle doesn’t only make leaving difficult; it also deeply affects how the victim sees themselves and their sense of worth.
Trauma is at the heart of this dynamic, lingering long after the relationship ends. Survivors often experience symptoms like hypervigilance (constantly being on edge), emotional numbness, nightmares, or difficulty trusting others. These are responses the body and mind develop to cope with prolonged fear and control. Children who witness violence in their families often internalise these patterns, which can impact their self-image, relationships, and emotional resilience into adulthood. The Indian film Matrubhoomi explores this enduring impact, showing how exposure to abuse can fuel cycles of violence and helplessness, embedding trauma in both personal and social realms.
Healing from domestic violence is a gradual process. Therapy, particularly trauma-informed approaches, plays a significant role in helping survivors rebuild trust in themselves. A supportive therapist provides a space where survivors can untangle the patterns of control, begin to trust their own perceptions again, and rebuild a sense of identity beyond the abuse. Recovery also involves creating a support system. This might include trusted friends, family, or support groups, as well as connecting with resources such as domestic violence shelters, legal aid, and financial planning services. Every survivor’s journey is different, and there is no one-size-fits-all approach to healing, but with the right support, recovery is possible.
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